PM Update

Today I have my fourth acupuncture session and I'll say that even if this doesn't help me get pregnant, it has eliminated my back pain. That alone has been wonderful!

I have two sessions left in my 6 pre-paid package I paid for. I'm not entirely sure I'll continue, I'm still pondering that.

This morning I posted pictures of my two ovulation tests showing "peak" readings. All day today I had a feeling ovulation had passed due to a nearly total lack of CM whereas the last three days I had it in abundance.

When I got home I took another OPK and it was completely negative. I think, had I taken the OPK last night, I would have gotten a "peak" reading. I believe that ovulation started last night and is done now. 

The OPK and CM would certainly indicate that. Unfortunately, you can only us the monitor once a day at a designated time so I wouldn't have been able to take that last night  but I could have taken the OPK and now I wish I did.

Not because it would have changed any BD plans, we have that covered, but mainly because I'm interested in how long my LH surge lasts. 

One last thing to note but first here is the picture of my negative OPK taken just a moment ago:

The open circle indicates a negative result.  I have the test stick ejected and even though I KNOW you're not supposed to read the stick, we all know that we can usually eyeball the stick and agree with the digital reading. 

When I look at this, the test stick looks positive. IOW the test line (line on the right) looks as dark as the control line (line on the left). 

However, since the instructions tell you to ignore the test stick and only go by the digital results, I'm calling this negative as the open circle indicates.

But, I'll get another BD in tonight... just in case.

A well informed patient

One of the things I forgot to mention yesterday was how my RE said more than once how well informed I am. He didn't say this like he was annoyed or even amused, he was glad that I had taken the time to understand what he'd be suggesting, what the test results meant and that I was taking time to understand my reproductive health.

I can't stress enough how important it is to gather information, ask questions and BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE! Don't sit idly by and be afraid to speak up about things you want clarification on.

You are not pestering your doctor, this is what you're paying him for. Be an active participant in your medical care. Your doctor will not mind. And if they do, get a new doctor.


On to other news:

CD 16 and finally "peak" readings on both the monitor and the OPK! That mean I will most likely ovulate in the next 12 - 24 hours. I never did get a "high" reading on the OPK (that happened last month too).
On Saturday I start the progesterone so that if sperm meets egg, it will have a greater chance of sticking.

Even though the odds are against us, I'm still hoping for a miracle.

Some very good news

Finally some encouraging news!

The SA James had done last year gave us some grim numbers such as:

20% motility

20% morphology

Not good!

Today we got the results from the SA done last week and holy cow! He now has %65 motility! I can't remember what the morphology was but it was an equally impressive number. In fact, all his numbers were in normal or better than normal range - hoorah!

I'm crediting these results to FertilAid for men and Motility Boost for men. James has been taking them for over a month and I believe they work.

They weren't able to print off the results because the printer was down but we'll get them in a few days via mail for our own records.

We received more answers from my blood work, too.

I definitely do have high prolactin am now on a medication for that. A few other things came to light that are kind of boring but it's all being treated and that's the important thing. 

He gave us two IUI options going forward to conceive and we're discussing which one to start with. One is more medicated but also more aggressive. It also has the added benefit of having a better success rate. 

We have time to decide as now we just wait for AF to show up and then we'll go in with our decision and schedule the treatment of our choice.

Speaking of AF... GRRRR!

Still only a "high" reading on the monitor and "low" reading on the OPK. 

This doesn't completely match up with my CM which is very fertile indeed. 

And since today was the 10th test stick day on the monitor, I have to start another pack of 10. What I'm not clear on is if I do get a "peak" reading tomorrow, if I will still be prompted to take another 10 whole tests. It wouldn't make sense but who knows.

I don't like that I'm ovulating so late but I guess I shouldn't worry about it since I really didn't have much hope we'd get pregnant this cycle on our own anyway.

He does want me to start taking progesterone 3 days after my LH surge and for 12 days after. I'll do that this cycle... just in case.

Yes, always hopeful!

Does Clearblue Sell stock?

Moving on up

Today was my third acupuncture session and I couldn't have been more uptight.

My appointment was at 5PM and I expected it to be over by 5:30 and we'd be on our way to get Ryan.

At 5:20 I was still in the waiting room getting very annoyed. By the time I got into the room I was frustrated and tense. I tried to relax but the very, very stupid waves & seagulls sound machine combined with the fact that I was worrying if I'd get Ryan from pre-school on time was making me just too tense to relax.

I'm writing this off as a wasted session.

As for my CBE Fertility Monitor, today I was happy to have it.
Day 14 of my cycle showed a "high" reading on the monitor. What's interesting is that the CBE Advanced OPK didn't show a high reading (meaning no blinking smiley).

(See picture below)

The point of these two products is to give you as much warning of impending ovulation as possible so you can BD leading up to ovulation and on the day you ovulate.

Both of these products claim they're testing for the exact same thing so it's interesting they don't match.

I agree with the monitor based on the CM I've had yesterday and today. I expect both will show "peak" tomorrow.

My major complaint with the monitor is that it made me start testing on CD 6 which means today I've used the 9th test stick. If I don't get a "peak" reading tomorrow then I'll have to use an 11th test stick. They're meant to be used in sets of ten each month.

Requiring me to start testing on CD 6 was a waste of at least 1 stick. If I don't peak tomorrow, I'll be super annoyed at how this system works.

Of course, all of this is my last ditch effort to get pregnant on our own before we start fertility treatments next cycle.

Tomorrow morning is our consultation to go over all the test results and his suggestion on what treatment to pursue.

Wish us luck!

One vitamin, two vitamins, three vitamins, four

Nothing new to go over today really.
CBE Monitor still showing a low reading which is expected since I'm only on CD 12.

I've added two more vitamins to my regiment:

Royal Jelly* 3x a day
CoQ10 200mg 3x a day
DHEA* 25mg 3x a day
Prenatal vitamin 1x a day
Super B-Complex 1x a day
Triple Omega 1x a day
Vitamin E 400 I.U. 1x a day
Vitamin D3 1000 I.U. 1x a day
*are new ones I just started

That's a lot of pills and I have no idea if they will help but all have shown to improve fertility health in one way or another.

I'll probably skip tomorrow because I can't imagine anything worth writing about popping up.

That's it for now.
Have a good weekend!

A potential silver lining... maybe

I underwent a painful procedure today but the results were good. And, the procedure itself also yielded some potential answers.

I had a hysteroscope which was done to look for fibroids, scarring and PCOS. The first bit of good news is nothing was found - everything looks great!

But the difficulty in performing the procedure made the doctor consider that our infertility could be related to something entirely different.

If you are easily grossed out, no need to read further.
You've been warned.

The doctor was having a very hard time finding my cervix (this happens to me at nearly every gyno/OB exam). He had to use an extra long speculum and finally was able to get to it. It was so high in fact that he had to pull it down which was extremely uncomfortable. Then he had to dilate the cervix to thread in the rigid tube that would take the pictures.

Afterwards he said that it's not unusual to see women who've had c-sections (and I've had two) to have an unusually high cervix.

He speculated that the very high cervix position could be the cause of our infertility.

The bad news about this is it means conceiving naturally would be very difficult. But, I was expecting that anyway, just for different reasons.

The good news is this could well mean that a run-of-the-mill IUI would be successful. This is because with an IUI they put a catheter into the cervix and insert semen directly into the area where it's most likely to connect with an egg.

I got up early to go the Lab Corp to get Prolactin levels checked again, too.

Speaking of, I might as well get into that, too because it was very interesting (to me at least).

As reported yesterday, the first round of blood work showed high prolactin levels. He wanted to test that again because prolactin is best tested on a 12 hour fast first thing in the morning. My original blood work was not done under those conditions.

I took to the Google to research high prolactin and discovered at least one symptom that I do have; lactating breasts even when not pregnant. Nothing major and only when the breast is, well, squeezed.

I told the doctor and he checked to see if he could get my breast to lactate and it did. He had a eureeka! moment with that. He said this could well also be causing our fertility issues. Again, this is easily fixed with medication.

Tuesday we have our consultation to discuss all the test results and how to proceed.

All in all, I'm feeling much, much more positive about all this.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Well, darn

The trip to the RE today wasn't the very reassuring.

I really don't even want to write this but it's important that I do.

If you're not familiar with the TTC (trying to conceive) world, everything I say will bore you and probably make no sense.

After conceiving three times very rapidly and with no trouble, those days are officially behind us. Conceiving naturally is incredibly unlikely if these results are true.

AMH .28
FSH 10

Most everything else came back in normal range except for prolactin. That was too high but could end up being the bright spot. From what I understand, high prolactin can throw those other numbers out of whack and make them not reflect accurately.

I have to go back tomorrow AM to get blood drawn again to test prolactin. I have never wanted bad results so much!

If my prolactin does turn out to be too high, there is a simple and inexpensive medication that can correct that. And then, maybe we'd find out it was in fact masking true AMH and FSH results.

I was supposed to be getting the ultrasound to test for fibroids and PCOS (no symptoms, but just to rule it out) but there was trouble and I have to go back tomorrow to try again.

James also had to do another SA today but what I thought was our greatest concern is now suddenly the least of my worries.

On Tuesday we'll return for what I guess we'll call the official consultation. By that time he'll have all my results and James' results and we can discuss options.

However, when asked today, he did say IUI is not likely to be the best option for us. Unfortunately, that's the option we can afford.

So, we'll see.

Disappointing afternoon.

Acupuncture Day 2

I've decided to start taking my iPhone and headphones with me during my treatments because the canned "waves and seagulls" sound machine is dreadful.

Today I felt much more comfortable with the process and all in all, a decent experience. 

Monday will be my third treatment and I'm looking forward to it.

I have to thank so many people for coming to my blog today to read our story and also for sending me so many messages of support. It lifted my spirits so much to hear similar experiences and so very many success stories!

On another (but not entirely off topic) note I want to address something I've heard said to myself and others many times and even a thought I have had about others regarding having children.

 I'm going to start with my own misdeed on the topic:

There is a woman on one of the many forums I'm on who has four children and is trying for a fifth. Her struggle to conceive that fifth child is causing her a ton of grief. 

Of course I think to myself "sheesh, be happy with four! Why all this work for one more? Your cup runneth over lady!"

But the thing is, that's none of my business! It doesn't mean her struggle to get her 5th is any less upsetting than someone trying for their first.

I've had similar responses from people. "Well, at least you have one" or "if it never happens, you can be perfectly happy the way you are".

Well, this is only partially true. Ryan is our world and we are grateful for our son every single day. Yes, we will be a happy family no matter what because we ARE a happy family (most days!).

However, it absolutely does not mean that our longing for another child is somehow diminished. 

It does me a great disservice to assume my struggle is any less than someone who has no children, just as the struggle for that ladies fifth child is any less valid than mine for a second. 

"At least you already have one (or two, or three)" is insensitive and unfair, okay?

Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor

For at least six months I've been using the Clearblue Easy Advanced Digital Ovulation Tests. I can't tell you enough how much I love these OPK's.

But last week I received an email from Costco saying the Fertility Monitor was on sale (and deeply discounted) so I bought it.

You have to start using in days 1-5 of your period and I happened to be on Day 3 when it arrived in the mail.

Setting it up was a bit of a pain but really, that's my fault. I skimmed the directions and thought I understood. Once I thoroughly read the directions, it was a breeze.

It asked me to start inserting sticks on Day 7 which I thought was early, I tend to ovulate later in my cycle but I the instructions say it has to get to know your cycle so I follow the instructions, of course.

Today is Day 9 and it still has a "low" reading which is unsurprising. I rather feel like I'm going to waste ten sticks knowing full well I don't need to start testing until about Day 13 or 14 but okay, it serves a purpose.

The thing is, with the CBE Advanced now on the shelves, this seems like the exact same product in a less disposable form.

And to compare costs, the CBE Advanced can be bought on Amazon for about $38. The refills for the CBE FM are about the same (on walmart.com - much more expensive everywhere else). But with the CBE Advance, I get to choose when to test based on my own fertility signs which I have pretty much gotten down to within a day or two. With the monitor, you absolutely have to use 10 sticks every month (as I understand the instructions) so a box will last you three months.

I can make a CBE Advanced box of 20 tests last me four months and often even longer.

But the monitor is in my hands now and it came with 30 tests so I'm going to use it and simultaneously use my CBE Advanced OPK's and see if they match. A little experiment I suppose.

Will keep you posted as my month progresses.

The "four year update"

Well, yes. It has been over four years since I wrote a single word.

But, I've been busy. Give a girl a break!

Let's see...
Married? Check
Baby? Check
Another baby? Check with an *

So why am I revisiting this now?
It's because I need a place to vent my frustrations at the difficulties my family is now facing.

We very much want to be a two kid family and we've been trying for over a year with no luck. So, we've sought the help of a professional. Yep, we've started down the road of infertility treatments.

We're at the very, very beginning of it all. A gallon of blood was taken from me last week and more tests on James and I are set for this week.

Then on February 4th, we sit down with the RE and discuss the results and our options. I have no idea what he'll suggest but I'm guessing it will be to give IUI a go.

I can live with that and I hope it will work. In the mean time, I'm trying acupuncture treatments because many women have found success with it. So, I figured why not give it a try?

Whatever procedure the RE suggests, it won't begin until the end of February at the earliest so between now and then we'll continue to try the old fashion way and party like it's 1999 should it work.

So, I'm back to write about our navigation through the world of infertility treatments. I hope I have the strength to write honestly about the highs and the lows.

In the mean time, it would be great if you could cross your fingers/say a prayer/send good vibes... whatever you have.

Jessica

That sad little * up top is our son, Nathan, stillborn at the end of my pregnancy in 2012. And that's all I have to say about that.

The willow turns its' back on inclement weather...

And if he can do it, we can do it. Just me and you.

My husband, James, jokingly tells me that since he's arrived, I have nothing to say.
To the contrary, since he's arrived I have way too much to say.

First off, the wedding. Or, weddings I should say.
James got here on August 4th and four day later we had a very private ceremony in the mountains with just a handfull of guests. This was or legal marriage union.

Sometime around August 18th we became pregnant with our first child. Imagine the shock!

Not that the pregnancy wasn't planned, it was. But it was still unexpected. When you're told that it takes 6 months to a year for the average woman to get pregnant, you don't expect to be the very rare expception to the rule. But we were and we're both thrilled. The little one is due in May, about a week after my birthday,

Then in September came the second wedding ceremony with lots of guests. That was an incredibly stressful times. I had trouble sleeping and of course, we're dealing with all the details after having just found out we're going to be parents.

So here we are now, weddings behind us and just looking forward to the birth of our baby.

In the mean time, I have an amazing and supportive husband. He's taken over all housekeeping duties because I'm generally dead on my feet after work (or am vomiting), lovely.

He washes our clothes, cleans up our home and does all the cooking. I can't believe how lucky I am.

So thank you James, for all that you do. I love you.

With a little luck we can help it out

We can make this whole damn thing work out.
With a little love we can lay it down

Can't you feel the town exploding.
There is no end to what we can do together
There is no end.

The willow turns his back on inclement weather
And if he can do it we can do it
Just me and you.

And a little luck we can clear it up

We can bring it in for a landing.
With a little luck we can turn it on
There can be no misunderstanding.

There is no end to what we can do together

With a little push we could set it off

We can send it rocketing skywards.
With a little love we could shake it up
Don't you feel the comet exploding.

With a little luck
With a little luck

With a little luck
A little luck
A little luck.

With a little luck we can help it out

We can make this whole damn thing work out
. . .

With a little luck baby
We could set it off

Send it rocketing skywards.
With a little luck we could shake it up

Oh yeah.

With a little luck we can help it out

We can make this whole damn thing work out
. . .

Planning a wedding is stressful even in the best circumstances and I'd say I'm dealing with the best circumstances. James hasn't put many restrictions on me and even things he's been doubtful about, he's acquiesced when he's seen that it's important to me (my wedding band from Tiffany's is a good example of this).

Now I realize all the build-up to the wedding is causing me a small break down. I'm not taking care of myself in any shape or form and it's taking its' toll on me. I'm tired pretty much 24/7 and I'm anemic again. Ugh.

I'm loving the idea of our big day but I'm so ready for it to be here so we can get on with married life. Our engagement has lasted well over a year and the constant waiting has been incredibly difficult.

And now we're less than two weeks away from his landing for the final time and I'm doing what I always do when I have an important date looming, I'm letting myself go to hell.

It would probably take a team of therapists to dissect that but there we have it. And I'm fully aware of what I'm doing and yet can't seem to stop it.

I like routine, I thrive on it. I hate waiting, I'm terrible at it. Not enough routine and too much waiting is my life right now.

James with his infinite patience is something I can (and hope to) learn from.

Happy Birthday to me

Five things I wish I could have for my birthday.
1. Maid for one weekend
2. Tropical vacation with James
3. Shopping spree at the mall for clothes (all size 6
4. Blank to-do list (home and work)
5. very rich and decadent chocolate cake

These are a few of my favorite things...

When James calls me "Cute Girl"
England
Taking a hot bath with a Lush bath bomb
Sitting alone reading Cosmopolitan cover to cover
Taking a long walk right after the sun has come out each morning
Cuddling with Jet before I fall asleep
Watching Jet and Jude cuddle up together
Listening to the rain
Live concerts
My iPod touch
My MacBook
The Tudors
New lip gloss
Shopping at Sephora
Hand written letters
A clean home

Approved!

FIrst things first, we finally got our K-1 Visa approved, James is moving to the USA! Granted, there is still quite a bit of work to do before he can move. He still has to do an interview at the American Embassy in London but, the hard part is over.

So, it doesn't look like there will be any problem with getting married in September! Finally things are progressing forward.

The house in England is sold and that was something else that had been worrying me.

Thanks to everyone who patiently listened to my whining and worrying about this whole process for the last eleven months.

Now all the fun begins! I get to plan our wedding (and start stressing about all new problems).

For James, the most wonderful man I'll ever know

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

-The Beatles

Remembering to be grateful

I spent a while this early evening fuming over a situation that was causing me to lose my temper with a friend. James spent some time trying to calm me down and it mostly worked. But, I still felt a bit outraged so I called my close friend Jen. She listened to my venting and offered her support for my outrage and that was terrific.

However, I clearly still felt frustrated because I called my Maid of Honor to be, Tonya. And this is where all my outrage flew right out the window.

I told her a little about what I was upset about and she sympathized with me and expressed her opinion on the situation.

Then we began catching up on her life. This isn't Tonya's blog so I won't get into what she had to say but I suddenly realized how, at the end of the day, I am so incredibly lucky.

My problem just melted away because I realized how I was fuming over something that was, actually insignificant. This was not a real problem compared to what others are going through.

And it reminded me how damn lucky I am to have James. He's so incredibly loving, supportive and a true partner to me in every way.

I can't imagine that quite so many people have it as good as I do. I need to learn to not sweat the small stuff as they say (and it's all small stuff).

I may not always agree with people I care about but it's really not all that important.

All I have to do is what I think is right and best for myself and for James and life will be just fine. Because I know James is always working on doing what's best for me.

I never have to wonder of question. I am an incredibly fortunate lady.

This is for you James. Thank you for every little (and big) thing you do.
I love you.

And thanks to Jen and Tonya for being there when I needed to whine.

You say goodbye, I say hello...

2008 was the year that:
I fell in love
I got engaged
I realized how difficult it is to obtain a Immigration Visa
I went to England four times in twelve months
I saw a play in London
I had my gallbladder removed
I moved to a bigger place
DC United did not make the playoff's

2009 will be the year that:
James and I are finally together permanently
We get married
I do 10,000 crunches
I do 30 minutes of cardio 300 out of 365 days
I take a vacation that includes a bikini, beach and margarita
I do NOT buy a designer bag

Here's to a great 2009

Happy Holiday's to me!

Ever since it looked like I wasn't going to be able to go to England to spend Christmas with James, I've been a little moody. Okay, a lot moody. I stopped looking forward to the holiday's and was despising all the Christmas decorations. Ba humbug, indeed.

But, last week I was able to book a ticket to spend roughly 90 hours in England which allows me to spend Christmas with James and also reach my Monday morning "deadline".

Now I'm full of all kinds of Christmas spirit!

Adding to the excitement is the fact that I'll be meeting my sister-in-law for the first time, she's making the trip home from Aberdeen for Christmas.

So I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done now and am just waiting for December 24th to come so I can get on the plane taking me to James.

Happy Thanksgiving

I can't explain it but, I have the warm fuzzies today. Maybe because it's the day before a favorite American holiday, and it's cold out - my favorite time of year - and I'm more or less alone at work. I'm feeling happily satisfied and content.

I'm not obsessing over the Visa, how long it's been since I've seen James or how much longer it will be, either.

No, today I'm just thinking about all the things that make me happy: My enormously devoted and adoring husband-to-be, my loving family and of course, the upcoming holidays.

Let's hope this feeling lasts...

Six months and counting

USCIS has had our I-129F application for six months now. I'm told that they have a deadline on my application of 1/15/09 which makes no sense at all considering their website says their processing times are "six months".

So naturally, I'm annoyed.

It seems like such a simple thing. I fill out the application, they look over it and either approve or deny. But, the trouble is, their backed up. Really, very backed up. And how do they handle that back up? By requiring you to file even more paperwork. It's got to be the most inefficient thing I've experienced in my life.

However, I have a solution. We're heading towards a recession (if we're not in one already) and tons of people are losing their jobs. Well there we go! Give them jobs at USCIS processing Visa applications. Everyone wins!

Of course that won't happen and I'll have to sit and wait and wait and wait to be with truly the most wonderful man in the world.

This wouldn't be nearly as annoying if it weren't for the fact that there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to how applications are processed. I know people who have applied about the same time (some even after) who have been approved already. And in most cases, two months ago!

I call USCIS and ask for an explanation and I get "blah blah blah blah". The real answer is, it's all arbitrary. Whoever's desk my application landed on is just slower than the desk other applications have landed on. So it would seem the person occupying the desk with our application is an idiot.

And now we're at the holiday season and I can only assume that they will allow themselves every bit of that time until 1/15/09. And, should they decide to take longer, I won't be told why, or given a new date. I'll just be told what I've been told all along so far, "shut up, sit in the corner and wait".

I'm picturing my idiot sitting at her desk gossiping with her cube neighbor about what she did this weekend and what she'll be doing for the holidays with family; unaware and uncaring that I'll be spending those holidays without the man I love.

I'd wish she gets hit by a bus* except that would only further delay my application.


*No USCIS employee's were harmed in the writing of this blog. But, I can always dream.

** Twilight Spoiler**

My cousin Fiona is reading the second book in the series, New Moon. She has decided that she's in love with Edward. Even though she's at the part of the book where he has left Bella (for what he thinks is her own good) in a horrific way.

But I know why Fiona loves Edward. The reason all girls love Edward, he's perfect (with the exception of having dumped Bella in New Moon). And a perfect man seems ideal.

However, for a while I've been on "Team Jacob". Jacob is by far, the more practical choice. He doesn't have Edward's money, or flash or even devastatingly good looks. But, he does love Bella and doesn't try to control her.

Bella goes a long way towards helping me dislike Edward, too. She can't live without him and that's annoying. She'd rather die then not have Edward. She goes on a self loathing suicide mission when he leaves which make you want to slap her and yell "get over it!".

At the end of the day though, most of us want an Edward. For his part, he is so in love with Bella that he'd rather be away from her than cause her harm. His heart was breaking to have to leave her.

He is undeniably devoted to her. In his eyes, she is the most gorgeous creature he's ever seen, even when she see's nothing but a plain girl when she looks in the mirror. Edwards worships Bella so it's easy to get caught up in "Team Edward".

He's the perfect boyfriend we all wish we could have. He compliments her, buys her expensive presents, protects her with his life and will do, literally, anything to ensure her happiness.

But, I feel pain for Jacob. He loves her, too even though he knows she's made her choice in Edward.

In the end, Jacob finds his happiness and it's a fairytale ending for all involved.

And the girls walk away from the Twilight series swooning, wishing we had to make that oh-so-tough choice between two hotties who unconditionally love us.

Oh well. Back to real life.

This one's for the girls

I will admit, I'm a romantic at heart. I believe in love and I believe everyone will find love, providing you want to.

We've all dated some unsuitable guys, or guys who were suitable perhaps, but it just didn't work out. And, we've all dated guys who were jerks, didn't treat us as well as we deserved and often left us broken hearted.

I don't think I have a girlfriend who doesn't fit that description. I fit that description. For four years (off and on - mostly off) dated someone who would never have put me first in his life. And yet, I muddled through anyway thinking at some point, it would change (it didn't).

Now I know how unbelievably lucky I am that it didn't work out. And I know that most of the girls I know who have been there look back and think "yeah, that was definitely for the best".

So don't give up after that broken heart or months (maybe years) of not finding Mr. Right. I'm positive it will happen.

I'm proof.
My beloved Aunt is proof.
Cara is proof.
Tonya is proof.

And there are thousands (millions!) more.

This is dedicated to all my gorgeous single girlfriends.

She's baaaaaaack....

Yes, I'm home. :( :( :(

Why the frownie faces?
Because I didn't want to come home. I wanted to stay with my husband-to-be. I hate leaving him and it sucks that we have to keep doing this for who knows how much longer.

However, it was a good... no, great week.

Friday: I arrive around 10:05AM and am with James by 11:15AM. Heathrow knows how to do passport control and baggage claim (Dulles doesn't but I'll get to that later).
James loads us up in his car and we're off home to Fleet. We have a relaxed day at home and I take a nap.

Saturday: Sleep late and go around to his parents in the afternoon and are there the entire day sitting outside talking. At home James makes us Salmon and bakes potatos while I make us asparagus. Yum! Awesome day.

Sunday: It's into London with his parents for the Chelsea v Manchester United game. It was a fun game and I'm fascinated by the travelling ManU supporters (don't tell James). They have clever songs they sing and I can hear them louder than anyone else in the stadium even though they are clearly the minority.
That night James'dad picks up take-a-way chinese and we have dinner at their home.

Skip forward to Tuesday: We drive up to Liverpool and James patiently walks through The Beatles museum with me. I LOVE it. Afterwards we stop for some hot chocolate at Costa on Albert Dock and we're handed what James refers to as "a bucket of hot chocolate". I agree, it's huge. But, I drink every drop. No one can accuse me of letting chocolate go to waste!

Wednesday: Naked Wednesday... enough said. ;-)

Thursday: We spend a good deal of the day on Oxford St in London shopping and I introduce James to Wagamama (my fave restaurant). I'm not sure he's entirely impressed but again, braves it for me.

And then Friday: A farewell dinner at a nice Italian restaurant with his parents and I get slightly intoxicated. Just slightly.

Saturday: After a bit of car drama, I'm off to the airport. James wasn't able to take me as his Audi won't start and he has to wait for someone to come around to fix it. His buddy Martin picks me up and gets me to Heathrow with time to spare.
Arrive at Dulles safely only to wait in line for ages at passport control then annoyingly wade through hundreds of black suitcases to find my own (which was nowhere near my silver suitcase which I was also traveling with). I'm extremely annoyed at the laziness and patheticness of the international baggage claim process and want to fly immediately back to London.

Sunday: Get up early, then take a nap. Tonya swings by and we're off to a bridal show then Build A Bear for Jade (okay for Jade and Jessica, I make a bride bear).

I miss James.

Speaking of James...

Things James doesn't want you to know:
1. He very lovingly (and with minimal griping) brushes the knots out of my hair when asked to do so.
2. He shed a couple tears when he realized he wouldn't be able to say goodbye to me at the airport.
3. He loves his stuffed dog Barney. It's incredibly sweet.

I got a letter from Senator Webb saying he has sent a request on to USCIS asking them to expedite our Visa application and said that he's asked to be kept up-to-date on the progress.

Mr. Webb, you have my vote when needed.

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

I am going to have a hard time making it through the next 37.5 hours. 16.5 of those hurs spent at work. AAACK! I'm ready to go right now!

There are some great times ahead of me and I'm ready to get started! James and I have been invited to watch Chelsea take on Manchester United at Stamford Bridge on Sunday. And, even though I don't support either team, I'm really excited about it.

Come tomrorow at 10PM, I will board a British Airways plane and (hopefully) sleep straight to Heathrow Airport. Then I get to see my James again. Happiest day of the year (okay, the happiest day would probably be when he proposed).

I love you baby, and, I'll be there soon!

Happy Labor Day America

What this means to me is that outdoor pools are officially closed. Not that I took much advantage of it. A handful of times this year (including today).

I mainly swim at my gym's indoor pool and to swim laps only. It's my new favorite way of exercising. When winter returns, I'll begin to run again.

And so summer comes to its' end. Fall will so be upon us and for me, it's great news. Fall is, by far, my favorite time of the year.

Fall weather, fall clothes... it's the best.

And I get to spend a week and a half of fall in England with my awesomely awesome James.

Goodbye summer. See you next year.

I have to admit it's getting better...

...getting better all the time.

The storm I experienced while at work last week has passed, just as I knew it would.

I didn't want to take away from James' awesome ability to lift my spirits that day, I just worry that I give him all the credit when my fantastic friends play such a huge part in my happiness, as well.

I also left out another bright spot in my work day, my co-worker (and more importantly, friend) Perianne.

While James plays a big part in keeping my workday sane, so does she. I'm so fortunate to have been able to get to know her outside of work and she is a glowing example of why you should never judge a book by it's cover.

(Her cover by the way, is lovely, it's just my first impression of her was a very proper, rule following, goody two-shoes. I was so wrong!)

So to my friend Perianne, today is dedicated to you.

Thanks for the walks, the chats and for keeping my wedding dress safe for me. Not to mention allowing me room in my small closet for my day-to-day clothes.

And of course, I wouldn't have been able to do the move to my new place without you.

So everyone raise their glass and toast my friend Perianne - the trouble maker of her family. :)

Viva la black sheep!

The Awesome Power of Friendship

I've been dealing with a few disappointing situations in my personal life lately and I'll admit, they've gotten me down. Some things drain your energy so quickly you don't even feel it leaving your body.

But, some things bring that energy back so quickly and it's equally surprising. Friday night, Saturday night and Monday night I spent time with a big group of friends and it was fabulous. Sitting around lauging with people you like, who also like you in return, is therapeutic. It's true, laughter really is the best medicine.

I was allowed to escape the things that were upsetting me, albeit temporarily, and enjoy myself.

And now, sitting at my desk at work, my patience was tested again and I could feel the energy draining right out.

Then I look over at the pictures of these people I always keep at my desk. First, my favorite picture of Fiona and I. Then I look at the last trip we made to Houston and I smile. Ryan, Erik, Thea, Jen and myself... we had a good time.

The next picture is also in Houston but the year before. It's a picture of Bobby holding my hand after the game giving me his jersey. Loves it.

And the last one was taken at BWI airport in 2006. 15 of us are standing in front of the Screaming Eagles Banner before we board the plane to head to MLS Cup in Dallas that year.

I realize, I can get through anything with these people by my side. No matter what, I'm a lucky girl because I never have to worry about falling too far. I've got peeps to pick me up.

WHEEE!!!!!!!!!

I hate moving

Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Now that everything is out of the old apartment and into my new place, there is still a ton of work to to. Nothing is really in place yet and that makes me feel cranky and uncomfortable. I'll have to work a little each night to get things in place.

But the important thing is, James and I have a home now. He's just not in it yet. :(

Anyway, thanks to Jen, Paul, Jim and Perianne -- Seriously couldn't have gotten all this done without you.

And also a thanks to the two day laborers we picked up. They'll never read this but thanks Humberto and Humberto's brother (can't remember his name). They worked their asses off so that, frankly, my friends and I didn't have to.

And congrats to DCU for winning Saturday. Sorry I missed it.