I will not give up. I will not give up. I will not give up.

That was not the best appointment I've had.

In fact, it was altogether disappointing. 

No follie growth from Friday to today. WHAT, how can that be?!

More blood work done and I'll get a call back this afternoon with the results but she believes it might be prudent to increase from 112.5 to 125. I couldn't agree more but, this is so frustrating! 

I'm only on CD 8 so I know it's still early days but I expected some growth after 3 more days of shots.  

Back on Wednesday for another ultrasound. I'm feeling like it would be more beneficial to live near my clinic than work these days. 

Alright, that's enough out of you Negative Nelly. 

Everyone have a super day!

Afternoon update:
Doctor called and my estradiol is up to 295. Tonight I'm going to stick with the 112.5 protocol and instead of returning on Wednesday, she wants to see me tomorrow.

As Brianna said in the comments, "low and slow" is best.

Some random thoughts

First
Remember how yesterday I said I was feeling nothing towards this cycle?

Well, that all changed yesterday when, out of curiosity, I looked at the estimated due date of this cycle. Based solely on LMP (assuming CD14 ovulation) it would be 5/17*.

Why does that matter? Ryan was due on 5/15 and he was born via scheduled c-section on 5/5 and my birthday is 5/7.

Because I've had 2 c-sections I'll have to have another c-section with my third. Scheduled c-sections are done no less than 5 days from your due date and not more than 10. My doctor likes to do Saturday c-sections if possible because most doctors don't and it's not very busy at the hospital.

So, that would possibly mean a 5/9 scheduled c-section date.

5/5 - Ryan
5/7 - Jessica
5/9 - Baby #3?

That would be a pretty big coincidence so incredibly unlikely to come to fruition but I am running with it!

* The rate I'm going this cycle, ovulation will happen before CD 14 so that moves the whole timescale up.

Moving on
Speaking of my fast acting cycle...
I was looking more closely at the estrogen number they gave me yesterday: 119.
That was after 3 days of injections. Last month, after 5 days of injections, my number was 81.

Doesn't that seem like a rather larger increase over last month in a shorter time frame? I don't know if this is good or bad. Last month was a fail but now I'm worrying (again) about having to cancel the cycle because of too many follies.

The ultrasound yesterday only showed 5 and only 2 of those were over 10mm so maybe this will work out okay.

When the nurse called she said 119 was a good number and we'd stick with the Gonal-f 112.5 protocol until Monday and we'd reassess then.

I don't know, maybe this is all just looking to be a better cycle!

Lastly
I've been thinking that it would be nice to have a forum type set up for bloggers I have become friendly with. A place that would be all our own where we can talk in a little bit more "real time", exchange experiences or just talk in general.

I have loads of TTC forums I'm on and I hate most of them because you have to dig through 10,000 posts to find anything useful. I would like a place that would be by invitation only so it doesn't get bogged down by the nonsense.

I was thinking a closed yahoo group at first but does anyone still have yahoo accounts anymore?

I love reading all the blogs and this isn't meant to replace that at all. Sometimes I ask a question in the comments and then forget to go back and follow up. So I'm sure others have done that, too. I'm often thinking I wish I could just ask someone questions outside of their blog.

In my mind, I would invite my favorite bloggers, some who are still TTC and some who are finally pregnant. Anyone who chooses to join can also invite their favorite bloggers, too.

I'm going to look into it a bit further but if anyone has any suggestions, I'm wide open. Is this something you'd participate in?

Glamorous? I don't think so!

Ultrasound today

CD 5

3 days of injections: Gonal-F 112.5 (increase from 100 last month)

Right ovary = 3 follies total - 2 x 10mm, 1 less than 10mm

Left ovary = 2 follies total - both less than 10mm

Lining = perfect (I didn't ask for number)

I'll get a call this afternoon with the estradiol results which will tell us if I should continue on 112.5 dose or dial it back to 100 since I appear to be responding a bit quickly. 

I take all the numbers this early with a grain of salt because last month on CD 6 I had 7 follies and ended up with only 1 mature. 

What's interesting this month is that the right side seems to be responding better than the left. That's never happened to me before. 

I have to return Monday morning so they can check again. Since I'm on a rather high dose of Gonal-F (for an IUI cycle, at least) they're going to be checking me a lot more often.

It's weird because now that we've decided to move on to IVF, this cycle feels perfunctory. It's like I'm not really expecting any results from it so just going through the motions so that we can start the process of preparing ourselves for moving on. 

I feel like I have nothing vested in this cycle; I'm not feeling hopeful or hopeless. In my head, we've already moved on.

Probably not a good attitude to have and my dearest friend Felicia will get on me when she reads this. She's always reminding me to "think positive". 

But, maybe it's better this way. Let the course run and what happens, happens. At least I know I'm not likely to get super anxious this time around. 

Notice Olivia Wilde on Glamour magazine in the background. There is nothing glamorous going on in that room, with that machine!

Update: Estradiol 119
Sticking with current 112.5 Gonal-F protocol.

Post IUI round-up

As mentioned before, Friday morning I had an ultrasound and blood work done to see where the follies stood.

I had one mature follie and I had a positive OPK that morning and all we needed was the blood work to confirm it was time to trigger. 

At 3:30PM Friday the trigger was done at work and this is the first IUI done less than 36 hours after the trigger. In fact, it was done about 20 hours after the trigger. The doctor told me this was fine because I was on my way to ovulating on my own, anyway. Ovulation has never been an issue for me, I ovulate on my own every month.

While I had a positive OPK on Friday the Fertility monitor didn't show a "peak" reading until Saturday morning. This made me feel very good about the timing.

James provided excellent numbers again. I forgot to ask for a copy of the SA but I do remember that it was a high count post-wash and motility was excellent. 

Sunday I was still seeing a bit of EWCM so I think, maybe, I might have ovulated Sunday. If so, I much prefer the timing of this IUI even thought it was very different than other cycles. If I'm right about that, then it's possible there would have been enough time for a second egg to mature and release. 

Yesterday I was really not feeling well and around 3AM this morning I woke up very sick. Oh great, another stomach bug of some sort.

This, of course, has me doom & gloom thinking that if I have some kind of virus, my body is going to work extra hard to fight that instead of concerning itself with my cause of implanting a fertilized egg. 

My doctor gave me the paperwork to get my HCG Beta done on Thursday 8/7 but I made the appointment on Friday 8/8 instead because that's our fifth wedding anniversary. I feel like that's just good juju.

7 to 3 to 1 (or, Fukity, fuk, fuk!) Now with afternoon update!

Today's appointment did NOT go as planned!

To recap, last Saturday I had 7 potential follies. All under 10 and I was hoping for no more than 3.

Blood work:

Estrogen 81

LH 4.7

On Tuesday I returned and there were 3 growing pretty nicely at 12mm, 11mm, 11mm.

Blood work:

Estrogen 233

LH 5.2

Yesterday morning I got a "high" reading on my fertility monitor and OPK. Things are looking good, then!

That brings us to today.

OPK = Peak

FM = High

Hmm... 

Ultrasound this morning now shows 16mm, 11mm & 12mm.

So, one barely grew the other didn't grow at all and the last is on it's way to being mature. 

That would indicate the fertility monitor was the more accurate and that's good to know.

(Blood work pending)

I told my RE about the OPK this morning so she said we'll see what the blood work shows but I am scheduled for an IUI tomorrow late morning unless blood work suggests it's too early.

My frustration is with the two follicles that didn't grow much/at all. WTF?! I got the same result on Clomid at 1/2 the cost and no needles!

I voiced my frustration to the doctor and she said injectibles are a numbers game the first time. You don't want to go too high and run a risk of ten mature follicles and having to cancel the IUI. Now we know how I respond to 100iu and if we don't have success this month, we'll up it a tiny bit next month.

Okay, fair enough. But, I feel like last month was my "next month" moment. I don't know if that makes sense but I'm sick of saying "next month". Next month is the one where we'll change this and this and then it will work! Eureka, the secret formula!

I'm whining, I know. I'm paying way less for Gonal-f that most women and for that I'm grateful. I'm not paying for the IUI at all and I have to remember to thank my lucky stars for James' new job that is providing us with all this. 

So, please ladies, be aware that I understand how my whining might sound to many of you who are struggling and have the financial burden as well.

But hey, the bright side... no risk of multiples this month!

PS - Please don't forget to comment on my previous post to win the four leaf clover!

UPDATE:
Doctor called close to 3PM
Estrogen 549
LH 31.8

So yeah, I'm surging.
I'm at work and my very brave co-worker (and friend) watched the video with me and then gave me the trigger shot. Seriously, I owe her because she did a great job.

That Estrogen number would indicate that only one follie will release an egg. Still a little disappointed about that so let's hope it's a good one!

IUI at 11:30AM tomorrow. Here we go!

7 little eggs - Oh, hello right ovary!

So my early appointment went well, if not even a tiny bit scary.

First, my right ovary was visible (hoorah!) and held 3 follies and my left ovary showed 4. So, I respond really well to Gonal-F.

They were all under 10mm which is expected since I've only been doing injections for five days. I started to panic because the nurse told me if I had more than 2 mature follicles we'd have to cancel.
Today my doctor said since I'm 39 he'd proceed with 4.

I was relieved and yet petrified. Hold on... 4?!?! But, but... wouldn't we run a risk of twins?
He said "Yes, but we did tell you that's the risk with injectibles."

Okay, very true. And that's why we tried 4 cycles with Clomid before going down this path.
Anyone who knows me is aware that twins is my second biggest fear with fertility treatments.

I know.

I know!

Two babies will be better than no babies (first biggest fear). But, I did ask James to have a chat with his "fellas" on IUI day. You know, just to say "Hey guys, if one of you gets to an egg first, the rest of you should just back off. Deal?"

Now my other fear is having to cancel the cycle. 7 follicles under 10 doesn't mean all will mature by trigger time; my hope is no more than 3.

Tuesday morning I return for another ultrasound and we should know from there what day to trigger and IUI.

I'm feeling pretty excited about this cycle because things seem to be progressing so well.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be it!