Glamorous? I don't think so!

Ultrasound today

CD 5

3 days of injections: Gonal-F 112.5 (increase from 100 last month)

Right ovary = 3 follies total - 2 x 10mm, 1 less than 10mm

Left ovary = 2 follies total - both less than 10mm

Lining = perfect (I didn't ask for number)

I'll get a call this afternoon with the estradiol results which will tell us if I should continue on 112.5 dose or dial it back to 100 since I appear to be responding a bit quickly. 

I take all the numbers this early with a grain of salt because last month on CD 6 I had 7 follies and ended up with only 1 mature. 

What's interesting this month is that the right side seems to be responding better than the left. That's never happened to me before. 

I have to return Monday morning so they can check again. Since I'm on a rather high dose of Gonal-F (for an IUI cycle, at least) they're going to be checking me a lot more often.

It's weird because now that we've decided to move on to IVF, this cycle feels perfunctory. It's like I'm not really expecting any results from it so just going through the motions so that we can start the process of preparing ourselves for moving on. 

I feel like I have nothing vested in this cycle; I'm not feeling hopeful or hopeless. In my head, we've already moved on.

Probably not a good attitude to have and my dearest friend Felicia will get on me when she reads this. She's always reminding me to "think positive". 

But, maybe it's better this way. Let the course run and what happens, happens. At least I know I'm not likely to get super anxious this time around. 

Notice Olivia Wilde on Glamour magazine in the background. There is nothing glamorous going on in that room, with that machine!

Update: Estradiol 119
Sticking with current 112.5 Gonal-F protocol.

The final IUI

I love my RE clinic, I really do.

As soon as I walk through the door the receptionist always asks "where's my Spider-Man today?" referring to Ryan. 

Every single nurse that walks by me says "hello Jessica, how are you?". I feel like I'm getting individual treatment and that's the benefit of going to a small practice. You never feel like a number or statistic. 

I've heard of clinics turning women down for treatment due to various factors simply because they want to keep their success rate statistics high. That's utter bullshit. My office is not like that and I appreciate it so much.

When the nurse took me back to get the ultrasound she asked if I was going to do another IUI and I said yes. She said something along the lines of "are you sure it's not time to move on to IVF? I hate to think of you spending all this money on IUI's". I know that you might read that and think she was being rude but it really wasn't. 

I told her that insurance pays for both she got excited and said "Do it girl! We want to see your pregnant!". 

I told her that I had come to that same conclusion and had gotten my insurance ducks in a row to proceed on to IVF.

Then Girl Doctor came in. 

Side note: my RE's office has two doctors - who I refer to as Girl Doctor and Boy Doctor.

She was able to see both ovaries without any trouble. No cysts so I'm cleared to proceed with this IUI cycle.

Then I told her that if this doesn't work, I'm moving on to IVF. She said she was 100% in support of that decision.

We spoke about logistics and she told me she thought it would be beneficial if I lost 10 pounds. She only mentioned it because I asked and I'm glad I did. I appreciated the complete honesty, I needed to hear it.

Also, I made the decision then that if we do have to go the IVF route, I want Girl Doctor taking over my cycles. 

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Boy Doctor. He's fabulous and incredibly kind and attentive. Girl Doctor is a bit more matter of fact. 

However, Boy Doctor has rarely been able to find my right ovary. I don't know why this is but he tries and tries and moves that wand around like he's checking my tonsils. But, my right ovary always seems to elude him. 

Girl Doctor finds it in seconds. So, she is my best bet for egg retrieval purposes in my opinion. 

She explained that I'll come in on the first day of my period just like with IUI cycles and I'll be put on birth control for 2-3 weeks. Then we'll start injections and go from there.

I didn't talk to James about it last night at all, I guess I wanted to mull it all over before I spoke to him.

This morning as we're getting ready for work I told him about the appointment. He agrees also that it's time for IVF. We both agreed that waiting until October/November would be a good idea, too.

This gives me time to lose that ten pounds, save up more vacation days and save money. Even though all these treatments are paid for, it's not without some costs to us. Affordable costs for sure, but costs none the less. 

So there we have it. This is it, our fifth and final IUI. 

Come on sperm, hook up with my egg - you know you want to!

A potential diagnosis? OHSS

After stumbling across a message board poster complaining of OHSS, I decided to Google it.

Mild to moderate OHSS

With mild to moderate ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, symptoms can include:

• Mild to moderate abdominal pain that may come and go
• Abdominal bloating or increased waist size
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Diarrhea
• Tenderness in the area of your ovaries

Some women who use injectable fertility drugs get a mild form of OHSS, which goes away after about a week. If pregnancy occurs, however, symptoms of OHSS may worsen and last several days to weeks.

Well now, that all sounds extremely familiar. 

I called my RE's office with my concern and listed my symptoms and they want to see me tomorrow. 

If this is what I have, I'd say it's of the "mild to moderate" variety so it would likely go away in a few more days.

And that brings me to this; will my doctor not want me to use injectables again? If you get it once, is it likely to happen again in every cycle that you use injectables? As my Aunt said to me on text, "burn that bridge when you come to it".

I have never hoped for a stomach bug so much before.

Any ladies who have had experience with this is encouraged to comment. 

7 little eggs - Oh, hello right ovary!

So my early appointment went well, if not even a tiny bit scary.

First, my right ovary was visible (hoorah!) and held 3 follies and my left ovary showed 4. So, I respond really well to Gonal-F.

They were all under 10mm which is expected since I've only been doing injections for five days. I started to panic because the nurse told me if I had more than 2 mature follicles we'd have to cancel.
Today my doctor said since I'm 39 he'd proceed with 4.

I was relieved and yet petrified. Hold on... 4?!?! But, but... wouldn't we run a risk of twins?
He said "Yes, but we did tell you that's the risk with injectibles."

Okay, very true. And that's why we tried 4 cycles with Clomid before going down this path.
Anyone who knows me is aware that twins is my second biggest fear with fertility treatments.

I know.

I know!

Two babies will be better than no babies (first biggest fear). But, I did ask James to have a chat with his "fellas" on IUI day. You know, just to say "Hey guys, if one of you gets to an egg first, the rest of you should just back off. Deal?"

Now my other fear is having to cancel the cycle. 7 follicles under 10 doesn't mean all will mature by trigger time; my hope is no more than 3.

Tuesday morning I return for another ultrasound and we should know from there what day to trigger and IUI.

I'm feeling pretty excited about this cycle because things seem to be progressing so well.

Maybe, just maybe, this will be it!