Truly amazing friends

This morning I came to work wound so tight you could bounce me off a wall.

Again, these medications I take totally messes with my head and body. Having to inject myself with the pregnancy hormone (trigger shot) is just plain cruel.

First off, when I am actually pregnant, I vomit. Any slightly odd smell sends me to the toilet. So injecting myself with HCG gives me all the symptoms with none of the happy offset (like, carrying my baby).

This morning on the way to work we drove past a dead skunk. I thought I was going to vomit right there in the minivan.

So, needless to say, by the time I got to work I was extremely anxious and feeling annoyed at the world (thank you hormone altering meds!).

A co-worker stopped by to say hello and we got to talking about how I was so obviously not myself. He was super and talked me through it so nicely. He helped to calm me down and get my mind off of it by making me laugh.

Then, another co-worker stopped by to show me she wore a energy bracelet in my honor today. That was so sweet I wanted to kiss her. I nearly cried at the kind gesture (hormones strike again).

And then... Felicia. My wonderful friend and co-worker came over to me, gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead, told me she loved me and said that this is my month.

I can now honestly say that I am walking into my IUI today with a better attitude than I expected when I woke up this morning.

Those three people, Stephen, Brittany and Felicia made my day today.
But, many others also do that on a near daily basis.

The support and love from you guys is amazing so I want to acknowledge you now.

Always topping the list is my husband, James and son, Ryan. They are the ones who have to put up with the wild mood swings more often than anyone else.

Felicia- Deserves to be acknowledged twice. She puts up with my horrible habit of half listening (I'm trying to do better) and makes every single work day better.

Jen M.- The friend who was brave enough to give me a shot in the ass at work. You were my number one choice because I knew you'd be able to get it done.

Jen S.- Thanks for giving me support from afar and checking in on me by text so often.

Aunt Maggie- For helping to keep my feet on the ground. You're the best advice giver in the entire world.

Fiona- Just because I love you and talking to you forces me to set aside my own issues and focus on my favorite cousin for a while.

Paul- You drive me bonkers but you also make me laugh. And, you've taken away some of my stresses by putting them on yourself. Please know that while I don't always show it, I do appreciate what you do for my family.

My blogger friends:
TTC In My 40's
Haisla
Just T
Megan
Lab Monkey
Brianna
MLACS
Stephanie (Her YouTube videos make me laugh so much so I watch them over and over when I need cheering up. Seriously, check her out)

Facebook friends, I didn't realize so many were following along! There are too many to name but thank for the messages of support. I know people like to keep their own experiences private so the fact that you message me and tell me your stories gives me inspiration.

I'm sure I missed people but I'm sending a huge thanks to everyone who has found a way to make me smile in the last five months! That deserves huge kudos!

Alright, let's do this!
TEAM MAY BABY!

Top Secret Blog Update

I took the bait.

Email me at: JessicaCHoward@gmail.com if you don't have the password.

Otherwise, nothing new to report today, really.

I did the 4AM trigger which went smoothly even if my husband and I were both a little grumpy at having to interrupt our sleep to get it done.

I woke up at 3:45 to mix the trigger shot solution and we were back in bed by 4:05.

I'm scheduled for a 1PM ultrasound to see if that pocket of fluid is still there and, it so, aspiration of it. James is scheduled for his part in all this at 1PM, too.

Then we return at 4PM for the grand finale.


Go Team May Baby!

About to pop

Another update so soon?

The nurse called me with the blood work results and yes, I'm about to pop some eggs so it's go time.

E2 = 468
LH = 29.3 (At least, I think that's what she said. I wrote down 9.3 but, that can't be right.)
Progesterone = 2.2

The doctor told her that before we do the IUI, she's going to aspirate the fluid (if it's still there). So, that is one problem that will no longer exist.

Who's ready for another May baby?
This girl right here, that's who!

Team May baby!

Time to trigger

Since my E2 was 295 yesterday, I was called in for another ultrasound this morning.

Right side:
R1 - 18
R2 - 16

Left side:
Nothing

I have to do a trigger 4AM tomorrow for a Thursday afternoon (CD 11) IUI.
This feels early to me. My fertility monitor only gave me a high reading this morning and last month when I triggered, my E2 was 549.

One hiccup, though. Yesterday the doctor noticed some fluid on the ultrasound. Today, the nurse mentioned it too and asked if I was still spotting. I'm not, so we don't know what that pocket of fluid is.

She said if this were IVF transfer, it would be cancelled if that fluid was there the day of the transfer. Fluid can cause an embryo to not implant.

Because of that, on Thursday they're going to do another ultrasound before the IUI to see if the fluid is still there. She also said the fluid wouldn't necessarily mean that we have to cancel because by the time implantation occurs, the fluid could be gone. We'll see what the ultrasound shows on Thursday afternoon.

Gut instinct tells me this isn't going to be a successful cycle. Not because of the fluid or even because I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst. I don't know where gut instinct comes from really, but, mine is telling me this isn't working out.

Brianna mentioned in a comment that "low and slow" is the way to do this. And, I realized she's exactly right. And one thing this cycle hasn't been is low or slow.

The thing about IUI is I feel like success is just outside of my grasp. However, a little tweak here and a little adjustment there and I feel like we would have success. We're not dealing with MFI which is a huge impediment for a successful IUI. I have a history of getting pregnant and even bringing forth children from pregnancies.

Granted, my last successful pregnancy (yes, I consider Nathan a successful pregnancy) was over two years ago and I'm 39 now. So, IVF makes sense. Right?

But, I don't exactly have a history of miscarriages from IUI either. Four attempts has netted me one CP. That's not really a bad track record given that a woman my age is expected to get pregnant 1/12 attempts (at best).

Anyway, make it through this cycle first, right?
One thing at a time grasshopper.

7 to 3 to 1 (or, Fukity, fuk, fuk!) Now with afternoon update!

Today's appointment did NOT go as planned!

To recap, last Saturday I had 7 potential follies. All under 10 and I was hoping for no more than 3.

Blood work:

Estrogen 81

LH 4.7

On Tuesday I returned and there were 3 growing pretty nicely at 12mm, 11mm, 11mm.

Blood work:

Estrogen 233

LH 5.2

Yesterday morning I got a "high" reading on my fertility monitor and OPK. Things are looking good, then!

That brings us to today.

OPK = Peak

FM = High

Hmm... 

Ultrasound this morning now shows 16mm, 11mm & 12mm.

So, one barely grew the other didn't grow at all and the last is on it's way to being mature. 

That would indicate the fertility monitor was the more accurate and that's good to know.

(Blood work pending)

I told my RE about the OPK this morning so she said we'll see what the blood work shows but I am scheduled for an IUI tomorrow late morning unless blood work suggests it's too early.

My frustration is with the two follicles that didn't grow much/at all. WTF?! I got the same result on Clomid at 1/2 the cost and no needles!

I voiced my frustration to the doctor and she said injectibles are a numbers game the first time. You don't want to go too high and run a risk of ten mature follicles and having to cancel the IUI. Now we know how I respond to 100iu and if we don't have success this month, we'll up it a tiny bit next month.

Okay, fair enough. But, I feel like last month was my "next month" moment. I don't know if that makes sense but I'm sick of saying "next month". Next month is the one where we'll change this and this and then it will work! Eureka, the secret formula!

I'm whining, I know. I'm paying way less for Gonal-f that most women and for that I'm grateful. I'm not paying for the IUI at all and I have to remember to thank my lucky stars for James' new job that is providing us with all this. 

So, please ladies, be aware that I understand how my whining might sound to many of you who are struggling and have the financial burden as well.

But hey, the bright side... no risk of multiples this month!

PS - Please don't forget to comment on my previous post to win the four leaf clover!

UPDATE:
Doctor called close to 3PM
Estrogen 549
LH 31.8

So yeah, I'm surging.
I'm at work and my very brave co-worker (and friend) watched the video with me and then gave me the trigger shot. Seriously, I owe her because she did a great job.

That Estrogen number would indicate that only one follie will release an egg. Still a little disappointed about that so let's hope it's a good one!

IUI at 11:30AM tomorrow. Here we go!