32w 2d - A very long morning

First up this morning was the MFM appointment.

Quick stats:
Fetal Position: Transverse (This time in the opposite direction)
Heartbeat: 151
Fetal Weight: 5lb 2oz (77th%)
Mommy weight: -2 from start & +1 from last week
AFI: 8.8 (slightly low)
BPP: 8/8

After the first ultrasound where they measured her (but, didn't do a BPP) was the NST. The NST was a big giant bag of fail. The monitor couldn't find the heartbeat without the nurse pushing it down and she wasn't moving around anyway so, they decided to send me back to ultrasound to do a BPP.

Hannah was sleeping. Her heart was beating beautifully but, she was clearly sleeping. No moving around and definitely not breathing.

So, we moved position a few times to get her to wake up since a sleeping baby won't pass a BPP.
Finally, after a few position changes and some prodding at her, she woke up long enough to do some breathing and moving.

Then it was the meeting with the MFM. This particular doctor is my least favorite to talk to. He's a great doctor but, not so great bedside manner.

He said normal amniotic fluid is between 10-20 and I only have 8.8. Not panic territory but, we need to keep an eye on it. He asked questions like do I feel leaking (no) and her movement (normal).
He decided that rest & fluid is the course of action to take until Tuesday when he wanted to check the fluid again.

Then it was off to my OB. On my way to the OB, the MFM called him to discuss the visit we just had. The OB walked in and asked how freaked out the MFM made me. I told him pretty freaked out. Enough that I called James, who wasn't planning to go to this OB appointment, and told him to meet me there.

He said AFI between 8-18 is considered normal so I'm low normal but, we're going to keep a close eye on it. He agreed that rest & fluid is the best thing to do between now and Tuesday when we reevaluate.

He also assured us that if the fluid dropped I'd be admitted to the hospital right away and given the steroid shots. Our goal is to keep her in as long as possible but, we all agree out is better than in if she's distressed.

It looks as though twice weekly appointments are now required as we make our way through the next 5 weeks and 5 days.

I want to carry Hannah to 38 weeks. It seems so close yet, as they say, so far away. This is my daughter and I want so much for her to be safe. The thing is, safety is such a very fine line during pregnancy. You're constantly weighing risk/benefit in a high risk pregnancy.

The most important thing is, I feel like I'm being taken care of. I feel like everyone involved is paying close attention and the right decisions will be made to keep her alive.

Today I am 32w 2d and I lost Nathan at 32w 1d. It makes me anxious to be in this place right now.

On another topic...
Yesterday for some reason I decided to look up a c-section video on YouTube. It freaked me out! I don't know why I did this so close to the end but, I really wish I hadn't done that.

I sent James and text saying "yeah no, I can't do that".
Of course he pointed out I've already done it. Twice in fact.

But, the thing is, I didn't know exactly what was involved before. I mean, I knew what went on in general but, now that I've seen it...

Well, I can't unring that bell.

Bring on 9/29/15 @10:30AM!