Wednesday, May 27, 2015

29 down, 10 to go

The MFM wasn't so sure that delivering at 38 weeks was necessary so, at this time, we're aiming for 39.

That still depends on how the BPP & NST's go of course. If something seems off, they'll make the decision to go earlier.

I don't mind waiting until 39 as long as everything is looking okay. I know that newer studies have shown there are huge benefits to keep a baby in until 39 weeks because of the development that goes on between 38 and 39 weeks.

All well and good assuming everything is fine. However, if something feels wrong, I'm going to fight and make sure they do the right thing this time. We lost Nathan because of the "wait & see" approach and, well... hell no. Not again.

I've been pouring over the dates when things started to go wrong with Nathan.

My water broke at 30 weeks. I went into labor at 31 weeks and again at 32 weeks which was when he was ultimately born via emergency c-section.

The MFM said it was significant that the water broke before I went into labor. It indicates that pre-term labor was due to the water breaking so, had it not been for the water breaking, pre-term labor likely wouldn't have happened.

Okay, I see what he means. But, what was the cause of the PROM (premature rupture of membranes)? That's something we're still unsure of and will never know with certainty. So, how do I know I won't suffer from PROM again?

The truth is, we don't. However, if that does happen again, I won't be agreeing to any plan that keeps Hannah inside of me this time.

With all that being said, I have high hopes that the next ten weeks or so will go as planned and everything will be fine without any complications or drama.

I'm counting kicks/movement every evening and will start doing that twice a day now. Today it feels like she's sitting very low and pressing on my bladder. Very uncomfortable! I'm running to the bathroom frequently and I'm sure the receptionist is sick of seeing me go flying past her desk so often.

I had lunch with my friend/co-worker today. She delivered her stillborn son at 36 weeks back in January. She was kind enough to bring in a photo album filled with pictures of her precious son and I couldn't help but shed tears looking through them. The love and anguish is so apparent on her and her husbands face and I was struck again at the complete unfairness of it all.

I have to say though, she's a fighter. She's handling her grief so well that she amazes me.

Her kindness and support has been huge for me since we've become close. Today I came into work and there was a gift from her at my desk for Hannah. The fact that she's less than six months removed from her own loss and she thought to buy something for me really speaks volumes about her character.

I look forward to the day I get to repay the gift for her next baby. I hope it's soon. Very, very soon.


  1. <3 I have no doubt in my mind that miss Hannah will stay put until you are ready for her. 39 weeks sounds like a good plan!

    And big hugs for your friend!

    1. Thank you so much, Christy!
      I think Hannah is nice and comfy where she is so I really think we'll be okay. The mind always wanders to the worst case scenario though. And maybe that's a good thing because, this time, if needed to, I can take a more active role in decision making instead of having doctors I don't know tell me what to do and I just go along with it.