Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Well, that was unexpected

The last 48 hours have been a total whirlwind of ups and downs.

Monday morning I came in to work but wasn't really feeling well and had a hacking cough that was disruptive to my fellow cube farm dwellers so, I went home to work.

Spent a good portion of the day worrying about one thing or another, such as:

James got word that his insurance at work is changing and there would be a conference call next week to discuss it. This sent me into total panic mode because, what if they take away IVF coverage?

Then sometime about 4PM, for no reason at all and on a complete whim, I took a FRER.

Do you see it there, ever so faint? Go ahead and click on it, it's there. No drugs, no monitoring, no doctor involvement (no progesterone supplements after ovulation). We got those two lines the old fashioned way.

And now, to some degree, I'm pregnant.

I was shaking and didn't know who to call first. Then I realized, it should really be the baby daddy.
So, I call him and no answer.

Well, I tried right?

Then, I called my old RE because I knew I'd need HCG Beta drawn and I wanted that done ASAP.

The nurse there said if it was a naturally occurring pregnancy, I need to call my OB. So, that's what I did. I know full well he doesn't deliver babies anymore but he's all I had and delivering the baby wasn't the most pressing concern at the moment.

He said he'd have me in first thing in the AM to draw blood. I was able to stop myself from taking anymore tests that night but I went to town the next morning. 5 tests and all squinters like the one above but all definitely positive.

Yesterday morning after I dropped Ryan off at school, I was off to see my OB. Long story short, blood was drawn and because Quest enjoys making people wait a lifetime for results, I didn't get them until today.

The nurse called and said "you were right, you're pregnant!" and then proceeded to give me a number that was infuriatingly low. Higher than when I had the chemical in April but a number that did not make me feel safe.

I burst out crying. She tried to tell me it was so early and this number was completely fine. She said my doctor would call me a little later to discuss and I thanked her still sobbing.

Not even half an hour later he called to offer his congratulations. He said the number was fine for 10/11DPO but said, if I wanted to, I could repeat the test tomorrow.

I said yes, that would definitely make me feel better.

Guys, the number is low, in the teens. I know everyone says it's the doubling that matters and it has to start somewhere etc etc etc. And, I know my doctor says the number is totally fine.

But, most cases like this I've encountered first hand have not ended well. I'm trying to be positive and I'm definitely hoping for the best but I just can't feel happy.

The test I took this morning was still positive but still so very weak. Granted, I had a hard time mustering up enough urine to even go a full five seconds so that may have played a part.

This graph has lifted my spirits a bit:

That leaves room for hope.

But, my heart is telling me that I likely won't be the one to beat the low beta odds.

Either way, I go tomorrow for another blood draw and if it's doubled, I'll breathe a sigh of relief but still won't relax until there is a heartbeat seen and heard.

I would completely appreciate whatever good thoughts, vibes, prayers offered.


  1. Hoping your numbers continue to double and get stronger. I had many positives at 10DPO and 11DPO and at this point they start off pretty low and especially since it is natural pregnancy. Is it possible to be off by a day? If not, even in the teens is a good starting point this early. Staying optimistic for you!

    1. Thank you, T!
      I can't pinpoint when I ovulated because I wasn't temping. All I can say for sure is the OPK was positive on 9/17 which was CD 12. Fertility Friend assumes ovulation occurred the next day if you're not temping so that would have been CD 13.
      Today is CD 26 for me.

      I know I had sex on CD 12 and CD 13.

      The rest is a mystery.

      Thank you for your optimism, it's well received I assure you!

    2. It is definitely possible you are a day earlier then. Have you tested anymore?

    3. Went in first thing this morning at 7:30. I doubt I'll get results today, though. :( Quest likes to take their time.

      Then it occurred to me that it won't actually have been 48 hours between testing but, I figure, either it's up or it's not. Four hours probably won't make or break it.

  2. Oh goodness, I'm crossing my fingers so tightly for you! I feel like the first few days after a positive test have got to be the most nerve-wracking ever.

    1. You're so right Megan. I can't really find many stories with numbers like mine that end well.
      I can't control is so I can only wait and see.

  3. Oh my dear, I know how this feels. I'm so sorry that potentially happy news comes with a bucket of anxiety on the side! You are still really early! And as mentioned above, that may have only been 10 dpo, which is really early to do a beta, which may be why you aren't seeing many success stories: teens at 14 dpo is a very different story from teens at 10/11. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and your next set of numbers. From experience, try to stay off google for the next few days... that is just crazy-making. The four hours won't matter: just use the betabase calculator and it'll give you the doubling time for your actual window.
    Sending hugs!

    1. I have to admit, I went back and re-read your blog from August forward looking for similarities.
      Truth is, your numbers were better than mine but, I'm trying not to dwell.

      And, you're right, google is not your friend during a time like this. :-/

      Thanks for the well wishes and hugs right back at ya!

  4. Thinking of you as you await your test results. Fingers crossed.

    1. Thanks, Brianna.
      It feels scary and comforting knowing that today at least I'll know one way or the other.

  5. Oh, sweetie - what a mix of hope and anxiety. Praying for you that your next beta will bring you great news and peace of mind. Hugs.xx

    1. Hope and anxiety is pretty much the ebb and flow of my life since Monday.

      Today should bring some relief from that, I hope. My biggest fear is a result that just provides more ambiguity.

      Thanks for checking in on me. Hugs