The "BFP" that wasn't meant to be

It's been quite a while since I've written and there are several reasons for this.

First is my in-laws are in town for James' birthday and that has kept me busy. Before that, I was busy at work trying to get a lot done before I went on vacation.

And also, there was only uncertainty to write about. That's not very exciting.

So I'll sum up what's been going on.

The last IUI worked. By that I mean, sperm met egg and I'm technically pregnant.

However, my HCG Beta started off very low and never really increased. My doctor increased progesterone to four times a day (from 3) in hopes of making it stick but three blood tests later told us this wasn't going to grow into our baby.

So I've stopped all medication and am now waiting for nature to take its course. The medical term is chemical pregnancy (miscarriage) but understand that, at only 5 weeks along, it's a zygote with no heartbeat or anything resembling a baby.

So you're probably wondering how I'm feeling about this, right?

The truth is I'm disappointed but by no means devastated and I'm not feeling any sense of loss. I know many women mourn a chemical pregnancy very deeply.

I think for me, after losing Nathan, this is something I can easily handle.

And I can take positives from it; the sperm met the egg! That's a HUGE step for us. We have every reason to believe that we can have a successful pregnancy.

In the mean time we're having a wonderful vacation with my Mother-in-law, Father-in-law and Sister-in-law. They all helped us with some much needed yard work and even put together Ryan's new bike. It's been very nice to relax and not be at work!

As always, I will miss them when they go. We do get to see James' parents every year but his sister much less frequently. I'm hoping that will change, I love having her around.

I'll update again when I have something to say. We haven't decided on doing another IUI this month, I know the doctor really wants us to but we'll see. There are many factors to consider so you'll know when I know. :)

Have a great weekend friends!