Friday, January 15, 2016

About Time

Before I get into this post, I want to say that I am in no way disparaging women who have gotten pregnant via IUI, IVF or any other way that required medical assistance. 

In the end, I don't believe it matters how your baby came (or comes) to you, as long as you get the baby.

I tried 5 IUI's myself and was starting the process of IVF when I fell pregnant with Hannah. 

I'm not speaking on behalf of the infertility community, TTC over 40 community or any other group. Though, I suspect that infertility unicorns will definitely feel where I'm coming from.

So here goes...

I started to write here because I needed a place to document my frustrations with month after month of failed attempts to get pregnant.

I documented all my failed fertility treatments and the sorrow that came with every miscarriage (three in 2014). I wrote about how we were starting to have the conversation with Ryan about the virtues of being an only child.

I was losing hope.

We switched doctors because we wanted to use the best in the area when it came to IVF. Even that doctor told us that we probably didn't have high chances of a successful IVF.
That. Was. Crushing.

I remember crying in the office feeling so full of despair.

The next month I was pregnant. I was pregnant and it happened 100% naturally. On our own, no medical intervention.

Now, looking back, it happened when it was supposed to. Hannah was the one all along. We didn't know it but, she was going to come in her own good time.

A doctor didn't sort through my eggs to find the best ones and then sort through James' sperm to find the best ones and force them together in a dish under a microscope.

Hannah is here because, despite huge odds, I released a good egg and one of James' "boys" were able to break into it at exactly the right time.

This is nothing short of miraculous.

It was supposed to be Hannah and that's why all the other attempts failed.

Of course, had I known, I could have saved us a lot of money, tears and medications that treated my hormones like a roller coaster ride.

But, I had no way of knowing that Hannah was there, waiting for the timing to be right.

I'll never know what made that month the right month. But, I do know that I'm so damn happy that it happened the way it did; naturally and at a time when I was convinced I was a fertility failure.

Hannah didn't need us to create her in a lab - she just needed time and for us to be patient. Because, she was always going be our daughter... we just didn't know it.


  1. That's really true. Sometimes it really is just a matter of being patient and waiting for the timing to be right.

    Your daughter is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.

    1. Sorry, I'm just seeing this. And wow, thank you so much for that compliment!