Saturday, February 21, 2015

We're having a ...

Harmony results came back and all is well.

Before I go public with the sex, I'm giving friends, family and anyone interested the chance to join an online baby pool I created.
Go ahead, make a guess!

My last ultrasound was yesterday and there was some drama...

The OB's routine is to try to find the heart beat with the doppler first. I've been using a doppler at home all week and it takes me a good 30 minutes to find it. The doctor doesn't have that much time so, when they can't find it after a few minutes, they send me over to the ultrasound room.

No problem with that, I knew he would likely do an ultrasound.

As we're walking into that room, our doctor and James are talking about soccer. The conversation continues as I get up on the table and push down my maternity pants so he had full access to my belly.

There is a big screen TV in the room so you can see but, the thing is, it's not up high enough for me to see well at all unless I lift up my head.

The doctor puts the transducer on my belly and he and my husband are still chatting away.

I move my head up and look at the screen for maybe 2 seconds. I see no movement, no heartbeat flicker... nothing.

I put my head down and wait for the bad news.

Still, they're taking about soccer. The doctor pauses in his conversation for a moment so I look up again.

Again, I see no movement at all and I'm about to start crying.

Their conversation about soccer continues and I finally put my hand up and say something like "is the baby okay?!"

Clearly the doctor and my husband had no idea I was upset and panicked. The doctor said "looks fine, see the heartbeat there?"
I look up again and said "no" because, I still saw nothing.

So he turned on the sounds so we could hear the heartbeat. Yes, there it is. A HUGE feeling of relief washed over me.

The doctor measured it to be a strong 154. He helped me up and the look of concern was clear on his face. He obviously felt bad for my distress and understood.

I said I have "post traumatic ultrasound syndrome". The thing is, twice in my life I have been blindsided by an ultrasound that delivered the news my baby had no heartbeat. Once at 10 weeks and once at 32 weeks. You don't get over that.

I spent the rest of the day still shaken up.

It just proves that I will likely never get to a place in this pregnancy where I feel safe and comfortable.

So, I'll do the best I can to relax and just hope for the best. It sucks to not have control but, that's just how pregnancy is, I'm afraid.


  1. I am so glad Baby Hunt is okay! I still wish you wouldn't have had to go through that but I'm glad nothing was wrong!

  2. (Hi from ICLW!)

    Nothing worse than the ultrasounds like that after losses... PGAL is not an easy thing... I hope it eases up for you and the rest of the pregnancy is healthy and no more scares for you!

  3. (Happy ICWL) I'm still traumatized at the disregard for feeling in some techs and I share your traumatic ultrasound fears. Sounds good right now and right now is what counts!

  4. I'm relieved to hear the baby is OK! That was scary for a minute... I'm sorry you're struggling with PTSD after everything you've been through, but it's not surprising considering your losses :-(. I'm crossing everything I have for a healthy, normal remainder of your pregnancy and a healthy happy baby at the end of it.

  5. Oh hon, I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this. And men, eh! Talking about football when there's an obviously distressed lady in the room!! I just really really pray that each healthy ultra-sound will chip away a little of the anxiety. It's such a tough journey you're on, but we're all here rooting for you. Sending prayers of health, calm and peace your way. Lots of love.xx

  6. Oh boy what a scary feeling! Maybe when you get in to the office every appointment you could tell the person to get on with the ultrasound then make chit-chat? :-) I hope the rest of the pregnancy is smooth sailing for you!

    Here from ICLW.

  7. So glad that everything with you and baby is okay, but NOT HAPPY with the stress you endured while waiting to hear that baby was doing great.

  8. Not cool of them to cause you panic like that.
    Once I was part of a lunch at work w/ people who were baffled and a little rude about someone they knew who had a doppler at home. Having been through miscarriage myself (though never past the first tri), I wanted to shock some sense into them but one of them was pregnant herself so I let her stay naive :/ I hope your appointments continue to be very uneventful!

  9. Oh gosh I'm so sorry you had to go through that... I can well imagine you took some time to recover. Horrible. But all good, and I'm so thankful for that.
    Your line "I put my head down and wait for the bad news" made my heart cold. Sending hugs.