The "BFP" that wasn't meant to be

It's been quite a while since I've written and there are several reasons for this.

First is my in-laws are in town for James' birthday and that has kept me busy. Before that, I was busy at work trying to get a lot done before I went on vacation.

And also, there was only uncertainty to write about. That's not very exciting.

So I'll sum up what's been going on.

The last IUI worked. By that I mean, sperm met egg and I'm technically pregnant.

However, my HCG Beta started off very low and never really increased. My doctor increased progesterone to four times a day (from 3) in hopes of making it stick but three blood tests later told us this wasn't going to grow into our baby.

So I've stopped all medication and am now waiting for nature to take its course. The medical term is chemical pregnancy (miscarriage) but understand that, at only 5 weeks along, it's a zygote with no heartbeat or anything resembling a baby.

So you're probably wondering how I'm feeling about this, right?

The truth is I'm disappointed but by no means devastated and I'm not feeling any sense of loss. I know many women mourn a chemical pregnancy very deeply.

I think for me, after losing Nathan, this is something I can easily handle.

And I can take positives from it; the sperm met the egg! That's a HUGE step for us. We have every reason to believe that we can have a successful pregnancy.

In the mean time we're having a wonderful vacation with my Mother-in-law, Father-in-law and Sister-in-law. They all helped us with some much needed yard work and even put together Ryan's new bike. It's been very nice to relax and not be at work!

As always, I will miss them when they go. We do get to see James' parents every year but his sister much less frequently. I'm hoping that will change, I love having her around.

I'll update again when I have something to say. We haven't decided on doing another IUI this month, I know the doctor really wants us to but we'll see. There are many factors to consider so you'll know when I know. :)

Have a great weekend friends!

Happy IUI Day!

I've been very quiet here on the blog front.

It was a busy week at work and I've just been feeling tired a lot lately. Not sure what that's about but Spring is in the air and I fully expect to be back in top form shortly.

We're off soon to the fertility clinic for our second IUI round.

We're not sure how well I responded this time because my right ovary was playing hide-and-seek. However, my left ovary did show one mature follicle that was ready to go so on Thursday night, I did the trigger shot.

Speaking of the trigger shot... Last time you might recall, James practically had to chase me around the house with the needle. Finally when I settled down and let him do it, I didn't feel a thing. Easy peasy.

So you'd think that this time I was calm, cool & collected, right?
No.

One again he had to chase me around the house saying "remember last time you didn't feel a thing!".
Finally I stopped and allowed him to do it. Once again, I didn't feel the shot but this time I am feeling a little sore in the area.

So here we are getting ready to drive to Annandale for IUI Round 2.

We didn't do anything different this cycle however, I feel like the timing is better this time around.

Last month I was scheduled for an ultrasound on a Friday but on Thursday morning I got a "peak" reading on my monitor. So I called my doctor and he had me come in that day to do the ultrasound, sure enough, three mature follicles. So I did the shot that night. I'm convinced by the time we did the IUI on Saturday, I had already ovulated. They didn't do another ultrasound before the IUI so there is no way to know for sure but all signs pointed towards what I suspect - ovulation happened the day before. This matters because the egg doesn't have a long life span at all, roughly 12 hours.

This time, my appointment was scheduled for Thursday and that morning I only had a "high" reading on my monitor and all day Friday I had fertile signs indicating I had not ovulated yet.

Long story short, I feel much more confident in the timing this cycle.

I'm off now and will write another update after the IUI.

Fingers crossed (again)!