Monday, October 13, 2014

Let's part ways now, okay?

Damn bronchitis. I desperately need this to be over and done with. But, it won't let go of me. For weeks now I have had to use an inhaler to breathe, get only a few hours of sleep at a time, can't walk very far without needing to rest my lungs and have coughing fits that make people around me cringe.

My body aches from the coughing. It's like I have run five miles while having rubber bullets shot at me.

It is better but, not over.

In the past two weeks I've had a miscarriage, suffered with bronchitis and had my in-laws in town during the worst of both, all while still working.

However, I want to say a big congrats to those who have gotten their BFP's while I've been away. It's great news and I'm wishing you a very happy and healthy 9 months. It's going to go beautifully for you!

I know I haven't made comments but I really haven't been on my computer outside of work except to catch up on Downton Abbey.

Despite my whining, I am feeling better. I got out yesterday and took a short walk with James and Ryan. It wasn't easy (I forgot my inhaler) but, it was a small start.

I'm back on track today with recording my food and making a small effort to exercise lightly. Through all this, I've lost weight but that's not surprising given that I spent so much time vomiting and that the coughing alone is likely expending more calories that I eat all day.

My appetite isn't back to normal just yet but, that's improving, too.

My mood is improving a little but, there is still 10,000 thoughts going through my mind, both positive and negative.

We have the appointment on Friday with Shady Grove but, I can't say I'm looking forward to it now. I guess having gotten pregnant on our own makes me feel like we can do it again. But, I'm 39 and we just don't have that kind of time.

So, I suppose I'm just feeling a little resentful at having to start back down that road.

Yes, we could call it a day and I know there are people in my life who feel we should. I know because hints have been dropped.

But, it's our decision. James and I feel like our family isn't complete and we're going to keep trying until I get to the point where I've had enough.

I'm not there yet. My longing for another baby outweighs the dread of starting fertility treatments again.

Which reminds me, James wrote a lovely blog update on our family blog . My husband truly is a wonderful person who loves his family deeply.

Thank you to everyone who has commented in the last two weeks and I apologize for not responding. My heart (and lungs) just haven't been up to the job of blogging much.

But, I appreciate all the support. You guys make the tough times more bearable.


  1. Yeay, I'm so glad you are feeling better, you've really been through it recently. Wishing you a continued very speedy recovery! And just think, now you've been through such tough weeks, karma will now be on its way to bring you some serious sunshine... :)

  2. Glad to hear that you are, physically, on the mend. No need to justify your reasons for starting treatments again. As you said, it is a decision between you and James...and that's it.