Monday, August 4, 2014

A definite case of "The Mondays"

But, before I get into that, I am seriously considering changing from blogger to wordpress for one very simple but super handy feature, password protected posts.

A fellow blogger used that feature over the weekend and there are things I wish I could say right now but not have viewable by everyone who knows my blog address.
It's some very personal work/life/causing me stress type stuff that I rather not make public to everyone who knows me IRL.

The one thing I don't like about that idea is having a blog with no history other than my first post. I guess it shouldn't matter as I know my readers will follow me once I get started.

If I'm going to make the change, I'll do it after the next ICLW since I'm already a posted link on that site for August.

Back to the subject post: "The Mondays"
Physically I think I'm pretty much back to normal but mentally, I still feel drained.
A lot of that has to do with what I don't feel comfortable posting about here so I can't get into it, unfortunately.

But, it also has to do with the constant state of waiting. With infertility, it's a constant Ferris wheel ride that you can't get off until you get pregnant.

And yes, I'm taking a break but really, that's just a temporary ticket off the ride. I'll be queuing up again soon and while I'm not on the Ferris wheel, I'll just be riding the emotional roller coaster no doubt.

I could, if we wanted, leave the fairgrounds completely, I know that. We do have one extremely wonderful boy who is the sun of our family solar system.

Please don't think I don't appreciate that. Since losing Nathan and secondary infertility became a part of our lives, I realize more and more how lucky we are.

But, we're not ready to give up, so we play that waiting game.

Our first wait was to get an appointment with the RE. Hoorah, we're in! Then you wait for your period to come so you can start on the recommended treatment plan. Period comes and you wait for CD 3 (or 4 or 5 - depending on your personal treatment plan). Then you're waiting for the day you ovulate and can do IUI (in our case at least). Then you wait for the day you go get your Beta blood test. Once negative, you wait for your period so you can do it all again.

I'll admit, the Clomid cycles weren't so bad. I had to go in for one ultrasound each time and all three times it was determined that yep, I was ready to trigger.

But, injectables are a different story. I have to go to the office furthest away (they have four) because I have to have a morning appointment so they can get the blood work results back the same day. I think I had 4, maybe 5 ultrasounds in 10 days. That's a lot of miles on the car, toll money and co-payments. At $30/visit for co-payment, it adds up fast*!

*I know I'm lucky and $120 - $150 is nothing compared to women who are having to pay thousands out-of-pocked for the same treatments.

Alright, that's enough complaining for one day.
I am absolutely determined to write something positive tomorrow.

In fact, I am going to be so Mrs. Mary Sunshine tomorrow that you all will hate me!


  1. I so know what you mean about the waiting. Although I haven't had any treatments, after 3 years of ttc everything revolves around it, every month, downing agnus castus, then trying to match up diaries for some frantic bd'ing, then 2 weeks on tenterhooks, watching for every symptom, not drinking, no release until AF arrives and showers you with 3 days of pain... yowsers, the things we go through - exhausting!
    Glad you are feeling better physically though, and I hope those other things work out for you a little easier :)

    1. You said it!

      My mood did improve after I wrote the post. I think it's good to get things off your chest sometimes.

  2. Oh, I thoroughly recommend getting things off your chest - helps me every time. So sorry to hear that at the moment you're having to hold some things in. I'll follow you even through to a password protected blogland, if that helps you to process things more freely. And I love your fairground metaphors (still remember the "kiddie coaster" ; ) !! They are just so apt.xx

    1. I thought of you when I published that post. I don't know why fairground metaphors seem so apt to me!

      Please email me at for the password to the protected site. You're on my list of people that definitely get the password!