Thursday, January 24, 2008

Guest Blogger - James Hunt

I'm a very busy girl and entertaining you people is a tough job. So, I've invited a guest blogger to speak. His topic of choice: Me and how he's fitting into my world.
Without further ado; ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr. James Hunt.

Jessica World is apparently a mythical location, many have heard about it, with various rumours about what can happen to the careless and unwary being used as scare stories to discipline unruly children.

Well I can tell you Jessica world is a reality, full of minefields to trap the unwitting, with all the complex nature of the hardest Sudoku level, yet welcoming and friendly to those deemed worthy to tread amongst it’s paths.

So you may ask, what are the features in Jessica world? Well I can only liken it to a city, it’s a city where it’s nice enough, quiet, almost eerily so, but soon you realise that all is not as it appears. For example, you can be walking down Cute Street, and without warning it takes you into Tantrum Central, a turbulent area where who knows what you may encounter or have thrown at you.

It gets worse, at random intervals throughout the day the locals launch into Whine-fest 2008, this apparent religion can be sparked by small occurrences within the time dimension, and can often be found in the borough of Tears and Sniffles.

Just when you think you have got the geography of the place mapped out and you think you can understand a little bit of what’s going on, Jessica World will slap you round the head for being cocky, welcome to “Takemeforgranted-ville”. In this area, nothing you say can or does make any difference; the decisions shaping your life for the next few minutes are now out of your hands. This surreal experience is intriguing for the na├»ve visitor, but soon becomes a portion of dread.

Jessica World sounds like a really unappealing place, but the love & the warmth of the resident owner is a sight to behold. Only the select few have been given a guided tour round some of the more inaccessible spots on the island. Due to the small numbers of survivors able to talk about these parts, it’s little wonder that Jessica World has become as sought after as winning lottery numbers yet regarded in the same awe and fear as Kaiser Soze.

The highlight of the visit is to arrive during one of the Olympic Shopping tournaments. These events occur regularly, indeed some regard it as the national sport. Watch out for the quick-fire rounds where the idea is to buy as many items of clothing that you don’t actually need. Popular amongst spectators is the Boots Buy-a-thon with the local betting agencies doing rapid business as huge bets are placed on the number of pairs purchased.

Jessica World is fiercely protective of it’s pets, with only the governess allowed to step on her somewhat infatuated cat, woes betide anyone who gets in her way. Other demands are an unreasonable expectation for members to worship the Beatles, a love of DCU Soccer team, and an expectation to allow the owner to behave as a spoilt brat whenever she chooses. Currently Jessica World seems intent on creating a political establishment with the UK, with the prospect of a UK embassy being built; this has seen wild scenes of celebration amongst the residents.

Jessica World does have a few enemies, it’s not good to be associated with LA Galaxy or NYRB. The implication of physical training has proved to be semi-popular. The intrusion of the press has led to many unfortunate photographic moments. Recently the owner has taken to disguise, her Alanis Morrisette proved less than successful, as did her attempt to appear as a praying monk in Belgium.

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