A definite case of "The Mondays"

But, before I get into that, I am seriously considering changing from blogger to wordpress for one very simple but super handy feature, password protected posts.

A fellow blogger used that feature over the weekend and there are things I wish I could say right now but not have viewable by everyone who knows my blog address.
It's some very personal work/life/causing me stress type stuff that I rather not make public to everyone who knows me IRL.

The one thing I don't like about that idea is having a blog with no history other than my first post. I guess it shouldn't matter as I know my readers will follow me once I get started.

If I'm going to make the change, I'll do it after the next ICLW since I'm already a posted link on that site for August.

Back to the subject post: "The Mondays"
Physically I think I'm pretty much back to normal but mentally, I still feel drained.
A lot of that has to do with what I don't feel comfortable posting about here so I can't get into it, unfortunately.

But, it also has to do with the constant state of waiting. With infertility, it's a constant Ferris wheel ride that you can't get off until you get pregnant.

And yes, I'm taking a break but really, that's just a temporary ticket off the ride. I'll be queuing up again soon and while I'm not on the Ferris wheel, I'll just be riding the emotional roller coaster no doubt.

I could, if we wanted, leave the fairgrounds completely, I know that. We do have one extremely wonderful boy who is the sun of our family solar system.

Please don't think I don't appreciate that. Since losing Nathan and secondary infertility became a part of our lives, I realize more and more how lucky we are.

But, we're not ready to give up, so we play that waiting game.

Our first wait was to get an appointment with the RE. Hoorah, we're in! Then you wait for your period to come so you can start on the recommended treatment plan. Period comes and you wait for CD 3 (or 4 or 5 - depending on your personal treatment plan). Then you're waiting for the day you ovulate and can do IUI (in our case at least). Then you wait for the day you go get your Beta blood test. Once negative, you wait for your period so you can do it all again.

I'll admit, the Clomid cycles weren't so bad. I had to go in for one ultrasound each time and all three times it was determined that yep, I was ready to trigger.

But, injectables are a different story. I have to go to the office furthest away (they have four) because I have to have a morning appointment so they can get the blood work results back the same day. I think I had 4, maybe 5 ultrasounds in 10 days. That's a lot of miles on the car, toll money and co-payments. At $30/visit for co-payment, it adds up fast*!

*I know I'm lucky and $120 - $150 is nothing compared to women who are having to pay thousands out-of-pocked for the same treatments.

Alright, that's enough complaining for one day.
I am absolutely determined to write something positive tomorrow.

In fact, I am going to be so Mrs. Mary Sunshine tomorrow that you all will hate me!

Four leaf clover winner

Congrats to Rebecca from Life of an Army Wife for winning the four leaf clover.

Please email me at JessicaCHoward at gmail dot com with your address and I'll get it in the mail this week.

I hope it brings you all the luck you need!

Thanks to everyone who wrote comments on all my posts this week. It's been informative and extremely supportive.

I think I'll do another giveaway next month.

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Not really in the mood to write about my IUI yesterday but it went fine, nothing out of the ordinary.

I'm sure I'll write more in a day or two.

ICLW Giveaway!

Last month during ICLW Megan at Climbing the Pomegranate Tree did a lucky stirrup socks giveaway and I won (Thanks again, Megan!).

Now, I am going to pay her generosity forward and give away a four leaf clover.

The back of the packaging says:

One leaf is for Hope

A second for Faith

The third leaf is for Love

And a fourth for Luck

To win, all you need to do is write a comment on this post. I'll choose a winner on July 27th.

Good luck!

Right Ovary: MIA - Last seen in April

Monday I had my baseline ultrasound to start this cycle of IUI.

Once again, my right ovary was nowhere to be found. This is frustrating because that can impede a successful IVF cycle should we need to go that route. If they can't see the ovary, they can't remove eggs. I've read other women who have had this problem and no eggs could be retrieved from the unseen ovary.

Alright well, that's a problem for the future, right? Right now we're not in an IVF cycle, so that is a bridge I don't need to stress about crossing. 

I started gonal-f on Monday and I have to say, easy peasy. I can stick that needle in my stomach all day long. 

You know why?

Because, I don't feel a damn thing. 

Two c-sections has left my stomach numb from the belly button to about the c-section scar (same deal for a friend who has also had two c-sections - no feeling there at all).

I'm now wishing I could take ALL shots in my belly. In fact, I intend to ask my doctor if the trigger shot must be done in the bottom. My guess is, yes, it has to be. But, it doesn't hurt to ask. 

Also, when (not if) I do get pregnant, I'll have to take a Lovenox shot every single day and I'm hoping that is done in the same area. 

So, Saturday I'll be going in for another ultrasound to see how the follicles are coming along and I hope my right ovary makes an appearance.

The nurse did mention that OHSS is a concern at my age with Gonal-f and if there are more than two mature follicles, the cycle will be cancelled due to the risk of multiples. 

Next week, for ICLW, I'll be paying it forward by giving away a lucky gift to a commenter. 

So, watch this space!